you locked me in your holy palace
and forced me into the robes
of a voiceless priest.

tell me
what could be worse
than to be
a disembodied witness to
your own failures?
to be subject to
raucous laughter from companions
and lovers who cannot hear you
and yet they laugh when your trousers are down
your dick dangling
no, swinging
like a new species of carnivorous worms
and this fucking boulder
writhing in epileptic shock at the
back of your throat:
forcing you away
from that soothing touch of sound
of your own voice:
a simple act, but foreclosed
for the gagged heretic

why do you torment me
with words of sickness
that you distribute to the world?
words that rip my intestines open
like glued pages of a decaying book?
i close my eyes
i make my attempt
i stand with an unsteady determination
against that heady gust of gossip.
and after this vile circus
you decide then to remind me:
fool! it was all just a dream!
but a dream can be experienced 
unlike you, with your body of stone
dangling self righteous from a cross
come, come and offer me your wisdom!
pray tell what can one do
to surpass this loneliness?
or the constant nagging of
that all too familiar
expectant dread that
exudes someone else’s desire of
who I should be
that seems to have managed
in its snivelling hand-rubbing trickery
to gain this privilege of pouring gasoline
and setting fire to the
very appetite that i need
to survive on this absolute
bitch of an earth?

ah, but i’ve stolen your sacred book
and i’ve read all your secrets while
you, cursed by medusa,
could do nothing but look at me with
the dead eyes of a lynched man,
a pretty decoration that
swindles peoples’ dreams.
i saw what I should not have seen
and having no other choice left
i’ve hidden myself from you
and i will live the life of a shadow in this world.
i will learn to become water
transparent in all my bitterness
and an elixir to the sufferers of thirst.

i have paved my route through the forest floor
and my current will flow seamlessly
away from your tower of dreams.

may death follow wherever you offer
your flesh and your wine,
may the veil you wear
fall and shatter like brittle porcelain;
for this jungle has devoured me
and I embrace its indifference willingly.

so come, come and carry your marbled cross and
find me in this wilderness,
come outside and look me in the eye, coward
i dare you.